What ‘Thrive With Paralysis’ Means to Me

The name of this blog might strike some of you as odd — maybe even as an oxymoron.

Can you actually thrive with paralysis, or is that a pipe dream?

If you live with a spinal cord injury or disease that causes paralysis, thriving may be the furthest thing from your mind. Surviving may seem like the best you can do, and even that can feel like a stretch.

I get it, and I’ve lived it.

But maybe we need to pull back and reconsider what it means to thrive. Does it mean pretending you don’t live with paralysis? Ignoring the pain, the daily frustrations, the emotional turmoil? Certainly not.

Because of our disabilities, we’re more resilient. More persistent. More opportunistic.

What it means, in part, is to acknowledge and accept all of that. Even embrace it. Those things have made us who we are – not just for the worse, but also for the better.

Because of our disabilities, we’re more resilient. More persistent. More opportunistic.

We’ve learned to appreciate life’s little joys and minor victories.

To relish small pleasures and accomplishments that most people ignore.

To use what we’ve been given – our skills, education, interests, financial resources, and whatever physical abilities we possess – to become our best selves, while relying on those closest to us for support.

For me, that’s thriving with paralysis. To get there, keep these things in mind.

Take Care of What You’ve Got

Proper exercise and nutrition are important for anyone, but especially if you live with paralysis. Our bodies are already slowing us down and need all the help they can get.

It makes no sense to exacerbate our physical challenges with poor nutrition, overeating, and under-exercising. I know that’s easier said than done, and I’m as guilty of slacking and over-indulging as anyone. Junk food is everywhere, and exercise is harder when some (or many) of your muscles don’t work.

Sitting in a wheelchair all day – if that’s your situation – doesn’t help, either.

It makes no sense to exacerbate our physical challenges with poor nutrition, overeating, and under-exercising.

I walk with crutches much of the time, and I still weigh more than I’d like to for optimal health. But I know that exercising, eating right, and watching my calories are crucial if I want to keep walking as I get older, so I work on these things every day.

Good health is not just possible — it’s critical for thriving with paralysis.

Savor Small Victories

Personal victories can be sparse when you live with paralysis. Many days seem like one defeat after another. But you can turn defeats into triumphs if you have the right mindset.

A victory doesn’t have to be a huge achievement, although that would be great. Accomplishing something hard is worth celebrating, too – sticking with it when you want to quit, even if you wonder why you’re trying at all.

A victory doesn’t have to be a huge lifetime achievement.

Maybe you dropped five pounds despite having limited exercise options and a forced sedentary lifestyle due to your disability.

Or carried the groceries from the car to the fridge without dumping food everywhere.

Or simply managed to make it through another day despite crippling pain and fatigue.

When you have a moment like that, no matter how seemingly small the accomplishment, celebrate it, even if such a thing would be trivial to someone else. Because it wasn’t trivial for you.

Nurture Meaningful Relationships

Everyone needs people who build them up, accept them for who they are, and try their level best to understand them. But these relationships are especially important for people with a disability.

We struggle every day with things most people don’t, and yet going it alone isn’t an option if we want to be mentally and emotionally healthy. We need constant support and acceptance from those closest to us.

A good friend to a person with a disability loves them unconditionally, even if they don’t look or function like others do.

A good friend to a person with a disability reaches out to help when needed, but doesn’t presume a need without asking.

A good friend to a person with a disability treats him or her as a co-equal, not someone to be pitied, talked down to, or ignored.

A good friend to a person with a disability recognizes and celebrates their victories, however small, while offering a shoulder to cry on when things are tough.

Perhaps most importantly, a good friend to a person with a disability treats them as a co-equal, not someone to be pitied, talked down to, or ignored.

If you don’t already have one (or preferably several) of these people in your life, find them. It will make thriving with paralysis so much easier.

Focus on What You Can Do

I’ve been obsessed with travel and outdoor adventures for most of my life. For me, there’s nothing quite like the intoxicating thrill of experiencing a new country or culture, or obliterating my comfort zone by doing something I thought was beyond my reach.

But living with paralysis can put a real damper on my wanderlust and sense of adventure.

Whether it’s navigating an airport, hiking up steep stairs when there’s no elevator, handcycling up a steep hill, or crutching along a trail, nothing is easy. And it’s even harder when I watch person after person – some of them 20 years my senior – pass me with ease.

I’m learning to relish the adventures I’ve had and anticipate those on the horizon, while trying not to focus so much on the things I wish I could do.

But you know what? There are a lot of things I can do. I’ve visited 23 foreign countries, scuba dived with hammerhead sharks in the Galapagos Islands, climbed to the top of a volcano, kayaked in Belize, and hiked through dense, bear-filled woods in Alaska.

I’m learning to relish the adventures I’ve had and anticipate those on the horizon, while trying not to focus so much on the things I wish I could do.

Sure, I still wistfully daydream of unachievable conquests and play the what-if game. But I do it less than I used to. And that, I think, is progress.

Achieve Your Potential Without Comparing

We all know that comparing ourselves to someone else can be toxic. That’s especially true if have a disability. We face challenges that the able-bodied world can barely comprehend, and we need to remember that.

So next time you’re tempted to compare your lot to someone else’s, stop. Whether that other person has a disability or not, their lives are different. Their challenges are different. Their potential is different.

For me, thriving with paralysis is about reaching your own potential. I hope this blog plays a small role in helping you get there.

What does thriving with paralysis mean to you? What steps have you taken to achieve it? I would love to read your stories in the comments. TwP